It's the same old song but with a different meaning...

For years mothers have been struggling with the dilemma of staying home to raise their children or working to support their family. Now, I know it isn't always a choice, but for the sake of this post I'll discuss it like it is. When Joel and I were thinking about buying a house we had many discussions about whether or not it was the right time. Taking on our rather substantial mortgage to buy the best house we could find for the cost eliminated the possibility that either one us would ever be able to stay at home with the kids. We are, like many other families I know, a two income family in order to own a home. (Yes, we could have spent less money, but we would have had to live in a neighborhood where we wouldn't have felt as safe or put so much money into the house we'd be in the same financial situation.) At the time, and even now, I believe that was the right choice FOR US. I wanted to be able to create a world rich with traditions like having a yard to play in, a place to mark their growth on the wall, with the added bonus of home equity to give us a bit of security. The downside of this is getting to miss out on some of the day to day stuff that I'd get to see if I stayed home, as well as the worries that might come about from putting Dex in daycare. But now that Dex is here and I spend each day with him, I begin to dread the thought of leaving him each day. I am very fortunate to have close family members and friends who will take care of him for this school year so that he won't be in daycare until September; however, I still hate the thought of leaving him each day. So this is how I console myself:

*Dex will adjust just fine. He has a ton of people who love him; especially his mom and dad who will hate to leave him each day but are doing it in order to provide the best life for him that they can.

*Joel and I are fortunate to even have this dilemma because we are lucky enough to be educated and employable. We both love what we do and love it all the more because it enables us to care for our family.

*Although teaching has its downsides, the hours are definitely an upside and we will be able to spend more time with him than any other full time job would allow.

So, yeah, this is some of what drifts through my mind between feedings and playing, and rocking Dex to sleep, and working on the yearbook, and laughing at the state of my house. Don't worry though; I am not letting this get too much in the way of enjoying the time that I do have to be home with him.

This is a little picture I like to call "Big Head, Tiny wrists".