The smoothie monster...

(The main thing you can see is this picture is that I have no vanity. Why do I keep posting these hideous pictures of myself?)

Dexter's feeling better and has his appetite back. So much so that I can't feed him fast enough so sometimes he has to take matters into his own hands. He loved the Smoothie. (Or he's reenacting a lost scene from Lord of the Flies. You decide.)

My mom taught Dexter to share his Cheerios. It's pretty funny when he feeds them to you, but just as often he goes to put it in your mouth and then takes it away at the last second. Pretty much he is the cutest kid ever. I used to be embarrassed to say things like that. But doesn't every kid deserve to have his parents think he is the cutest baby in the world? (I'm just the only parent that is right. Haha.)

Hangin' out on a Sunday Morning

One of my recent obsessions...

Have you been on Etsy? It is a marketplace for people who make crafts. The prices are reasonable, and so far the vendors I have dealt with are nice. I am trying to do as much Christmas shopping there as possible because the idea of buying handmade gifts rather than plastic gadgets manufactured in China follows my current economic/ environmental sensibilities. (Still, if you really wanted to send an iPod Touch my way it isn't like I'd turn it down. Music IS my boyfriend.) So don't be surprised if you unwrap a gift from me and find this, this, or this. (OK... two of those were kind of a joke... but there really are some great things on the sight .)

Sickos

Dexter and I have been home sick. We had a very nice party this weekend with all of his grandparents, some of his aunties, and our neighbors. Still, the Little Man just wasn't his normal, funny self. He stuck one finger in his cake and then shoved it aside. He did love having a room full of people sing "Happy Birthday" to him.
Look at those gorgeous sickies! We both woke up feeling pretty cranky and sick on Sunday. I broke a lot of my rules about how much Little Einstein and Sesame Street I'd let him watch in a day as I laid on the couch, moaning. Mostly we just cuddled and tried to feel better.

I never had that magical movie moment when right after giving birth, the nurse hands you a pretty pink baby and you all sit there, glowing, looking at each other with a gentle tear running down your face. For me… it wasn’t love-at-first-sight. It was visceral-need-to-protect-at-any-cost,-perhaps-even violently, at first sight. I remember laying there begging, for water, as the nurse measured and administered to Dexter. At some point through the haze I picked up on a note of concern in her voice. Soon they told me Baby Boy Barr would have to go to the special care nursery because he had low glucose levels. I got to hold him for a minute and I was just scared. I worried for him, but didn’t really understand what was wrong, and couldn’t really think clearly. The next forty-eight hours were pretty surreal. Each time Joel rolled me down to the NICU, I would cry. My emotions ranged from the frantic need to fight some unspeakable battle to take care of this little one, to complete vulnerability because this was a situation no one could control. Of course, Dex ended up being fine. He was slow to eat, perhaps because of the bruise on his head, and consequently he had low blood sugar. We were so lucky, and he is a strong kid. Mostly I mention that because those first few hours were nothing like my expectation of that love at first sight I’d seen in countless films.

What I have experienced is more of a gradual change from curiosity and concern to hopeless, unabashed love for my little man. I feel deliriously lucky and happy to have spent this last year getting to know him. He smiled and laughed pretty early and hasn’t stopped since. I am surprised at how many personality traits already seem to have emerged. Dex is a class clown. He loves to do things that make people laugh and if you oblige him, he’ll keep going for the laugh. Also, much to Joel’s joy, he is a drummer. He bangs on everything with his tiny little hands, or with the remote controls as drumsticks. I love every part of being his mom. Happy birthday Little Man.

Afternoon Snacktime

Joel and Dex like their hummus. Don't get in the way.